Anyone who has been blogging for a long time knows that when our lives change often times so does the focus of our blogs. I know many bloggers who have been through this or are currently going through this right now (like her, her, her – awe hell the list could go on forever so I can’t possibly list all of you!).

This very blog has been through some of it’s own transformations in the 4 years I have been writing here. Back in the day the whole point of starting this blog was for marketing my business, then the economy slowed and so did my business sales. The focus shifted to me writing motivational articles and informative/ how to articles as I worked through a period of personal growth. Then I began writing sponsored posts for a while as I worked to monetize my blog and further my writing efforts.

Now I am more of a daily life blogger sharing all that is my life, honestly and sometimes boringly. Personal blogging is not only a venue for self discovery but as a blog reader I’ve found that it is also a comfort to find others who are or who have been in our same position.

This brings me back to the article I read that caused the revelation. It was a great read so click on over there and read it real quick! It said:

“ministry of mediocrity” – helping others by showing our real selves.

Yes, at times this blog is mediocre with it’s talk of poo and zits and other life events. I know we have enjoyed many dramatic – non boring things like the stove fire, the moldy basement issue, N’s job saga and moving cross country but the goal with this blog was never to impress anyone as I am sure you have already determined.

I think there is real beauty in realness which is why my writing style is the way it is now, it is also why I deeply love reading so many of your blogs. So much of society is about putting on your best face, we go around trying to make the best impression at work and at get-togethers. Soon life becomes this huge facade of us putting our best self out there which is fine but it also fuels the unattainable idea that we should all be perfect and “shiny” as the above referenced post puts it.

Bottom line is none of us are perfect, we can all try and try to convince others that we are but what if in doing so we forget to love and nurture ourselves, imperfections and all? I mean if we are so ashamed of the imperfect sides of us how can we truly love and accept ourselves? I guess that is why I am so open and real about things on this blog, ugliness and all.

So now I am taking an idea from Teeni and calling on my readers to help me come up with a new tag line for this blog, that reflects this idea. Also, feel free to chime in on this topic. I would love to hear your thoughts.

The post Blogging the real me to make you (and me) feel better. appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

We were barely making end meet, were financially frustrated, itching to start a family, had no chance of buying a home and were ready for a little more job security. Too bad my lady doctor said I was not fertile because of my low weight and N’s job told him they really valued him but could not increase his salary from here on out. That was 5 months ago…

Can you believe how much has happen in 5 months? Holly crap! N got the job in Evansville, IN so we started planing our cross country move. We got engaged 7 days before we were scheduled to move. We made the week long cross country move with minimal drama. We were in our new home for 3 weeks, were planning our wedding for July 2009 then we found out we conceived our first child! I just did the bills and we actually have several hundred dollars left over after everything was paid oh and houses are damn cheap here!

That really is a ton of stuff that fell in to place all at once for us. I guess it makes up for the 3 years we spend in limbo land huh? I almost can’t believe all has worked out for us in such a freaking short amount of time.

Now I just need to master taking photos of water already (I didn’t forget Wordless Wednesday, just a bit late) Lotus says anyone can do it and my camera has a freaking macro setting but my water photos suck big time. I guess you can’t have it all huh? Here are my crappy attempts and a funny video!

The post Remember when… appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

Ugh, it is a whole slew of drama that I don’t want to bore you with. Basically sitting by and watching him make his choices and watching him struggle is killing me. As outsiders to the situation we can see what his next step should be and we have given him advice but he sees things differently than we do, he is doing what he feels is best. He is scared and overwhelmed, all we can do is support him and hope it all works out.

This quote reminded me of him:

We want facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don’t it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. – Jessamyn West

He believes that he has no chance of gaining parental rights to his daughter despite the fact that he IS the stable parent. He believes that mothers have more rights than fathers regardless of the situation, we cannot seem to convince him otherwise.

Okay, enough of the family drama and stress talk. Lets spend some time in my garden!

Here is a wildflower growing in my yard that I like and managed to transplant into some pots. maiden53, this is the flower you were asking me about that I’ll have at the yard sale.

I have no idea what this flower is called but it is pretty and I like it! got any ideas what it is?

My lilies are in bloom! I believe these are tiger lilies, they don’t have a fragrance like my white stargazer lilies but they are so pretty!

Got any fun garden photos of plants growing in your neck of the woods?

The post Thoughts on struggle and peaceful garden photos appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

I am not sure exactly what shaped my thoughts on fear. I know when my mom felt trapped in marriages I picked up on it but I think there must have been something more that made me so set on moving beyond fear.

Fear is supposed to help protect us from injury right? Walking down a dark alley makes you fearful because it is a bad situation and you could be harmed in the situation. Fear helps us avoid potentially dangerous situations, it also prevents us from doing stuff that could potentially improve our lives.

Fear is a red flag meant to get you thinking. It isn’t necessarily something to wholeheartedly base decisions upon. It is important to weight the pros and cons and try to see the positive outcome before simply avoiding the fear.

So, at what point does fear simply become a crutch? I notice my fears when I am exposed to something new or unfamiliar, it seems to sneak up when it shouldn’t and that is just damn annoying.

When I ask my students to try something new they are immediately afraid to try, they might fail. They practically freeze at the thought of doing something they have never tried before. What is so scary about possibly failing something you try? Isn’t the trying simply an accomplishment in it’s self?

In 2 months I am picking up and moving 1500 miles away from my family and friends for N’s job. N and I are not married or engaged so I have no legal financial security, just trust and commitment. I do not have a job lined up out there, just possibilities and options. I have no idea what is in store for us out there but we are going anyway, despite the initial fears. We want a better life for ourselves and we feel this move will bring it. We have done some research but actually all we have is the job offer and the belief that this will be best for us. Are we crazy for just picking up and going? Some people sure think so but we don’t.

The fears are there but we both know that they are simply a natural response to change and uncertainty so we don’t even worry about them. Plus there are just as many positive signs as there are fears so we listen to our gut feeling and we know that this is the right move for us. Plus we have made it through our first smaller scale move away and we did fine, how much worse could it be? We are not worrying ourselves with the fears.

Fear tries to keep us in familiar territory, it allows us to stop looking for better, it can make us bitter. If you really want something more, something better remember that fear is only one aspect to be weighed. Look at all the other sides, what could be gained if you succeed? Is not succeeding in the way you planned really failing at all? Will you wonder and regret if you don’t try? What do you have to loose and what could you gain?

Fear is not the only thing you should base your decisions upon, it is only an aspect to be considered. Sometimes to find better you need trust and courage to keep walking and searching, even when you don’t know where you are going.

The post On fear and it's impact on life. appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

Do you notice feeling drained, trampled or just worn out after an encounter with an acquaintance or loved one? Maybe this person only wants to have interactions with you when they need support or maybe they tend to unload on you all the time.

How do you distinguish between someone going through a “rough patch” in life and someone who is just an emotional drain on you all the time?

I know someone who never asks how we are doing and insists on dominating the conversations and dwelling on all the “woe is me” crap. When the conversation shifts from all the pity me stuff it becomes very superficial. It feels like this person doesn’t care to know who we truly are, is not even thinking about how we are feeling and only maintains the relationship so they can have someone to dump stuff on.

We have stopped participating in the whiny conversations and have stopped pitying them and feeling bad for them. We are no longer enabling them but they just keep dumping the crap on us.

I have a hard time with people who take more than they give in a relationship. It is not healthy or fair and it really puts a strain on the relationship. So what can you do?

We often get criticized for pointing out the positive stuff about the situation when this person whines on about all the negative. When we express displeasure over the drama, sad stories or rude comments we are made to feel stupid for feeling or thinking that way. It is clear our views and opinions are not welcome or accepted yet we are expected to remain in the encounter and act as they want us to.

Naturally we have begun to distance ourselves from the undesirable encounters because it is obvious that we are not even close to getting anything positive from it. A relationship is supposed to be give and take, not just give, give, give… So what can you do other than just stop communicating with them?

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