We’ve started printing out some of the photos from the birth and the first few days of her life. They help to make the birth seem that much more real in my mind but I know I still haven’t totally grasped the entirety of it all. Eventually when I am feeling less depressed and emotional I’ll watch the birth video and take stock.

It’s crazy how I was there birthing her totally unmedicated and I still don’t have a complete grasp of how amazing and crazy it all was. Our bodies truly are equipped to get us through intense situations because my hormones and adrenaline sure made it all “tunnel vision” for me if that makes sense.

I’ve chatted with N and my mom about the birth. They each have different moments that stand out in their minds and they have different perspective on it than I do. For N seeing Everly’s head emerge was a wow moment. I am sad that I didn’t get to see her coming out, that is my one regret.

My mom is still in awe of how peaceful and alert Everly was immediately after she came out. I guess my mom expected her to be blue and lethargic. She says Everly’s eyes were just darting all around taking it all in while the umbilical cord was still pulsating.

For me I can’t really pin point one moment since it’s all a blur still. I know that when they placed her on my chest right after she was out I was in awe. Someone captured a great photo of me looking at her for the first time, it really does speak volumes (I just don’t have much memory of it all).

I am pretty much totally healed from the tear now and feel like my body is doing great. I’ve pretty much lost all of the baby weight and you wouldn’t know I was 3 weeks postpartum looking at me today. My appetite is way down which kind of worries me since I’m breastfeeding.

The breastfeeding is still going fine. Everly latches on well and her feedings are beginning to last longer and longer. It appears she now weighs like 9-10lbs based upon my bathroom scale.

Over the weekend I added dairy back in my diet as we shifted to eliminating another possible culprit and Everly went berserk yesterday with major fussiness and apparent tummy pain. I think it is a result of the many glasses of milk I enjoyed over the weekend.

Now I am back to avoiding milk and dairy products. I also gave Everly a tiny bit of the digestive enzyme that the nutritionist/ chiropractor said I should try.

The idea is that her digestive system is not mature enough yet to process the proteins in milk and dairy but digestive enzymes do the digesting when given or taken with meals. Hopefully they’ll help her in the meantime until all the dairy is out of my system.

Yesterday was another rough day. She fussed and cried for about 5 hours straight. Nothing I could do would make it better, I went through the list of possible things I could do to make her happy and more comfortable. Nothing worked. Holding her did allow her to doze off a for a few moments here and there. I only cried twice yesterday during her fussing so that is a small sign that I am beginning to move closer to normalcy.

The digestive enzymes I gave her in some breast milk did help calm her in the evening and she slept pretty well though the night. Today is much of the same, I’ve only cried once so far today.

Even though I know her fussing/ crying is something I can’t always help I still tend to get frantic trying to soothe her and make her happy. Even after I’ve tried every possible thing two and three times with no luck. Not being able to calm her upsets me and I tend to dwell on not being able to fix it all for her.

Reading Twilight (that Krystal gifted me) helps to clear my mind and refresh me though. It forces me to not dwell on feelings of inadequacy in my parenting skills so that is good. Hopefully the tummy upset will improve soon.

Everly enjoyed her first bath over the weekend. The bathtub (that Donna B got Everly) rocks and Everly loved bath time. She only cried when we were taking her out of the water, guess she didn’t want it to end.

Also, she has begun to be more playful and alert in the last few days. She smiles at you and will mimic other facial expressions like if you stick your tongue out at her.

So things are going well. This parenting thing is still hard and we’re adjusting. We hear it’s supposed to get easier so we are hanging in there though. Besides she is to damn cute to give up on!

The post 3 weeks postpartum: Still in a daze trying to grasp it all. appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.