I never thought that I would miss being able to clip my own toe nails, reach my calves to shave them or be able to sit with my knees together. Now that I am pregnant I do really miss being able to do these things and I am realizing how much I took my mobility for granted.

Simple things like sitting down and getting up are a huge struggle. Trying to put on underwear or pants on often requires leaning on walls or raising the legs up along the side of the belly (as opposed to lifting them straight in front of you). Bending over requires the legs to be spread and sometimes you even need to bend the knees a tad so you don’t pass out or so you can actually reach what you are trying to retrieve.

Shoot, now that Tater is urinating about 1 pint a day I am even finding myself strategizing my bathroom trips as they have increased in frequency while my ability to get around has decreased. “Is this an effective time to visit the bathroom? Is my bladder sufficiently full or will it be a wasted trip that only results in having to repeat it again in 5 min?”

I wish my bed had those “oh shit” handles that are in cars so I could hoist myself up with my upper body as opposed to wriggling and rolling myself on to my feet. Also need the “oh shit” handles in the bathtub, on the side of the couch and possibly an “oh shit” bar near the toilet. Sad, but oh so true.

Also, when the phone rings I kind of panic. You see the machine picks up after 4 rings and now it takes me about 2 rings to get up and moving towards the ringing. If god forbid the phone isn’t in the place I thought it would be chances are I’ll miss picking up the phone before the machine does. And everyone ALWAYS hangs up on the machine so my efforts are usually wasted anyway.

Oh and you know how girls are supposed to wipe from front to back? How the hell do you do that when you’ve got the preggo belly in the way? Are my arms unusually short or something because I can’t reach anymore! LOL.

This last weekend 90% of the people around me were blatantly staring at me and it wasn’t because I had a booger on my face or a shit stain on the pants! They would just stare at my body all perplexed like. “What nobody’s seen a petite pregnant lady before?” One woman even *gasp* touched my belly and I about freaked.

N was perusing the freezer case while she got all mushy and weird on me. He was chuckling and watching out of the corner of his eye while she put her hand on my belly and remarked at how I am “all baby” and when am I due… I must have oozed of “get the fuck off me” because she only touched me for a second with her two fingers then immediately backed off (thank goodness).

I assured her I had gained sufficient weight both in my hips, belly and boobs since becoming pregnant (join the pool and wager your best guess on my gained weight, time is running out!) while I gradually backed away from her “personal bubble” invading and made my way over to N for some backup.

Once she was gone we had a good laugh about the ackward situation. We also blatently stared back at everyone in the stores to make them equally uncomfortable.

Ahh, the joys of pregnancy are great aren’t they? Actually, they pretty much make you feel like a freak. A magical, human incubating, freak. Can you tell I am not feeling the “earth mama” beauty these days?

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