I am not sure exactly what shaped my thoughts on fear. I know when my mom felt trapped in marriages I picked up on it but I think there must have been something more that made me so set on moving beyond fear.

Fear is supposed to help protect us from injury right? Walking down a dark alley makes you fearful because it is a bad situation and you could be harmed in the situation. Fear helps us avoid potentially dangerous situations, it also prevents us from doing stuff that could potentially improve our lives.

Fear is a red flag meant to get you thinking. It isn’t necessarily something to wholeheartedly base decisions upon. It is important to weight the pros and cons and try to see the positive outcome before simply avoiding the fear.

So, at what point does fear simply become a crutch? I notice my fears when I am exposed to something new or unfamiliar, it seems to sneak up when it shouldn’t and that is just damn annoying.

When I ask my students to try something new they are immediately afraid to try, they might fail. They practically freeze at the thought of doing something they have never tried before. What is so scary about possibly failing something you try? Isn’t the trying simply an accomplishment in it’s self?

In 2 months I am picking up and moving 1500 miles away from my family and friends for N’s job. N and I are not married or engaged so I have no legal financial security, just trust and commitment. I do not have a job lined up out there, just possibilities and options. I have no idea what is in store for us out there but we are going anyway, despite the initial fears. We want a better life for ourselves and we feel this move will bring it. We have done some research but actually all we have is the job offer and the belief that this will be best for us. Are we crazy for just picking up and going? Some people sure think so but we don’t.

The fears are there but we both know that they are simply a natural response to change and uncertainty so we don’t even worry about them. Plus there are just as many positive signs as there are fears so we listen to our gut feeling and we know that this is the right move for us. Plus we have made it through our first smaller scale move away and we did fine, how much worse could it be? We are not worrying ourselves with the fears.

Fear tries to keep us in familiar territory, it allows us to stop looking for better, it can make us bitter. If you really want something more, something better remember that fear is only one aspect to be weighed. Look at all the other sides, what could be gained if you succeed? Is not succeeding in the way you planned really failing at all? Will you wonder and regret if you don’t try? What do you have to loose and what could you gain?

Fear is not the only thing you should base your decisions upon, it is only an aspect to be considered. Sometimes to find better you need trust and courage to keep walking and searching, even when you don’t know where you are going.

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Looking back and reflecting upon the journey is something I tend to do. It gives me perspective on the current events when I look back to see how we got here. I always try to see the positive side of things when I reflect and I seldom have regrets about things. I tend to look back and reflect after the accomplishments in life, it comforts me and gives me the strength to face what is in the future.

N got the official “we want to fly you out here for an interview” communication yesterday after applying to a number of different places. He has built his on air career from nothing and it has only taken him 6 years. Now he has paid his dues and we both feel he is ready and deserves to move on to a better paying more rewarding job. Financial security is important to us and we are also looking to end up somewhere for an extended amount of time so we can buy a home and start a family. Moving on from his current job and leaving family/ friends behind is just part of moving forward in life and his career.

Life has given us plenty of time to come to terms with this and to prepare for the future. Back in February 2006 I wrote a post called Destiny and the Journey of Life- everything happens for a reason that outlined N’s job saga and the 2005 announcement that the station was up for sale. Our world was shattered by the news and we began coming to terms with the fact that we would not be living in our town long term.

Then the news station didn’t sell and began looking less and less likely to. N’s contract was ending and new contract negotiations began, we knew that if we didn’t like the presented offer we would have to find another job offer somewhere else that was better. Again we were faced with the possibility of having to pick up and move elsewhere for a better job.

Come August 2006 more contract negotiations are in the works and eventually N is offered a promotion at his job that is good for the ole resume and for the pocket book. It includes management responsibilities that he is optimistic about and he decides to take the offer, that locks us in for a bit longer here.

In March 2008 we went through more crappy contract negotiations and this time the offer just did not seem worthwhile for the long run so N shows them who is boss and rejects the crappy contract offer, says he will get through the remainder of his current crappy contract and then will move on.

Basically we have been in limo land with N’s job since 2005 and have known that leaving Arizona and pursuing better opportunities was the direction we were headed. We have been presented with a number of chances to stay put and avoid change and until now they were all somewhat worthwhile at the time. I know they were necessary to get us to where we are today but I also know that it is time for change now.

It has been a worthwhile 3 year journey that has taught us much about what we are capable of. We now know what we want and what we don’t. Most importantly, we have finally decided that we are capable of getting it.

I think that the biggest thing that holds people back is their own doubts and insecurities. If you don’t believe in your self 100% how can you possibly convince others to believe in you? Up until recently we have been doubting ourselves and feeling insecure, I know that has kept us from experiencing the success we desire.

Do you think you have been doubtful or insecure about change in your life? Has it impacted your success or lack thereof when you reflect upon it?

I know that staying positive and hopeful about our abilities is an ongoing battle for everyone. Especially for us through this recent bout of job searching but remaining hopeful and confident is essential to your success!

Reflections are important because they help us to see how we were in the past so that we can improve for the future.

If you are experiencing times of change or uncertainty take a moment to reflect on the past in a positive light, see how it got you to where you are today. Praise yourself for how far you have come and how much you have grown, then figure out what you can do different this time to achieve even better results!

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Job searching can be a tedious and stressful time for anyone. You sift through the possibilities, talk yourself out of the ones you feel are unachievable and then you pursue the ones you feel best suited for. Eventually you end up with another less than fulfilling job somewhere else but is it the job for you?

The worst thing you can do is sell yourself short when job searching. This is something N and I learned first hand a few years back. It’s natural to not want to feel rejected so your tendency is to not be willing to put yourself out there when you aren’t sure you will succeed. That is the worst thing you can do for your job search though!

Learning to entertain all the possibilities and to put yourself out there is very important, it allows you to be noticed by as a many people as possible which in turn leads to more possible options for you to choose from! More options is aways a good thing right?

So, N announced to me this morning that he had submitted like 10 applications to other stations around the country today. He joked that “everyone can have a copy of my resume!”, we are trying to put him out there and to entertain reasonable job offers now so that we have somewhere to go when his current contract is up this summer.

I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason and that if you put yourself out there on the line you are allowing for the right opportunity to find you. Often times the hardest thing is to just convince yourself that you are something worth “selling” and that you should put yourself out there.

If you are a job searching right now say goodbye to limits! Determine the direction you intend on going with your job and let every possible employer know that you are on the search. Let the employers determine if you are good enough or not and keep yourself open to as many possibilities as you can!

In times of change or transition we need to surrender control and open ourselves to the endless possibilities ahead, often times the direction we see ourselves going is not the best thing for us and something else will come about instead that is better in the long run.

We all end up where we are meant to be, everything happens for a reason!

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Eventually we all end up where we are meant to be, the route and surroundings may not be preferable at the time but it gets us to where we are supposed to be sooner or later.

This is perfectly obvious in my life right now. Today marks the day when my partner reached a goal that he set out for over 5 years ago. Today marks his first day in a job he wanted 5 years ago and was told he would never get. They said he didn;t have what it took and that he could not cut it.

Today was his first day on that job. Actually they offered the job to him last month for an insultingly low amount of money and some other unfavorable responsibilities. We moved away from our family 5 years ago to persue this dream and to make it happen. He has paid his dues and when they finally decide to offer him the job it’s too late! He declined the job offer because we knew he could get something better and more favorable once his current contract was up.

Like a bratty 5 year old on the playgroud his employer came back with a “Fine! you don’t want our offer, well we are going to force you to do the job anyway.” So, today he began that job he set out for 5 years ago, goal achieved!

He built himself up from nothing in this career and now has loads of experience and a bright future ahead of him. Five years ago we would have never guessed that this is how we would get to this point but we are here! It’s not necessarily the route we had expected to travel but I think we needed to experience it in order to grow and become more prepared.

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My age doesn’t really coincide with all I have been through, I have much life experience- more than most who are 26. I am more defined by my journey than my age.

My journey over the last year has been a great learning experience for me. I am learning much about “letting go” and opening myself to the possibilities of new experiences. I think I am actually ready for whatever life throws our way, even if it means we will have to move away from our home state, families and the life we have built for ourselves. This has taken me several years to come to terms with and I think I finally have accepted this and am ready for it.

Sometimes you learn all you can in one place and you have to move on to be able to learn and grow more. I am now trusting that life has a plan for us and that we will be taken where we are meant to go. I have no idea what is in store for us but I am ready to be open to whatever it might be. It is kind of exciting actually!

Also, this last year I have been working to heal old wounds and to forgive those who have hurt me so deeply. I remember those deep, nasty encounters and have a hard time forgiving those who were so spiteful to me for no reason. I am still working on this one but feel like I have grown to be more accepting of others. I still wont tolerate people who dump their crap on me but I am growing more accepting of their weaknesses and am now able to feel less hurt by the blows, it’s nothing personal really- they just don’t have the tools to deal with their own issues the way I would.

Um, lets see what else have I learned? Oh, I have learned to be a more positive person. The increase in my positivity (is that a word?) has been the result of me removing myself from negative situations and trying to make those situations I choose to remain in positive ones. I am now able to see the positive in almost anything and I focus most of my energy on it. I feel happier and more satisfied.

The last thing I want to mention is my beginning to learn that in life you cannot be consumed by the expectations of what you life is supposed to be. I struggle with this still but am getting much better as time goes by.

Many people think that they must achieve certain things in a certain order and that is the way it should be. For some this shoe fits, for others it does not and you feel like something is wrong with you.

Life has a plan for each of us and it’s not always what we expect for ourselves. Perhaps the hardest lesson of the year has been to learn to love myself unconditionally and to accept that my journey is different than I expected it to be and that different is okay.

So those are the life lessons that I have come to see this year, some I have mastered- others I have not. Happy birthday to me, now I need to learn more next year!!

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