A fun & very funny way to ask for a replacement product…

My husband wrote a letter about a defective product. He read it aloud to me this morning. I had to share it, it’s too funny!!

Good Morning,

My wife and I purchased your Double Toot Whoopie Cushion 2-pack to make a funny Valentine for our two young daughters. They were a big hit with lots of Bronx Cheers heard throughout the house. 

However, after just two toots, one of the whoopie cushion seams came unglued! It broke wind for sure but there will be no more air biscuits coming from that one. Now the girls are sharing one of your whoopie cushions as they continue to “one woman salute” throughout the house.

Is there any way you can send us a replacement so the rump ripping can continue?

Thanks in advance,

Nathan Ryder | www.greenpreferred.com

It’s true we did trinkets for our girls for valentines day instead of candy. The “Whoopee! it’s valentines day” valentines were a huge hit until one couldn’t hold it’s own against the 5 year old.

I’d forgotten all about it but Nathan had it handled and I’m sure his letter got a few chuckles in the whoopie cushion office this morning.

The post The Double-Toot That Went Flat appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

Last night when I heard a tiny baby cough coming from the bedroom I went in all concerned. Has he been sleeping so long because he is getting a cold? I peek in on him and see exposed penis…

I find golden beads of urine, on his belly, his arms, his face and his hair…that sprayed every which way. He’s coughing because he’s just gotten a golden shower.  

His bed was soaked, his body was drenched. Poor guy thought he was drowning in his bed I bet.

After a nice warm bath he was good as new again.

The post It’s unfortunate when you “golden shower” yourself… Right? appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

Things like “douchebag-deluxe” and “breastfeeding like a hunchback” are the most recent ones…

N started it by telling me it was my own fault I had neck and back pain… “you breastfeed all hunchback like, it’s no wonder!” I looked at him all perplexed and mildly amused by the blunt remark.

He goes on to tell me that I used to be all about using pillows for support while I breastfed and now I’ve just resolved to feeding her uncomfortably.

I responded that he could offer to bring me my pillows and to help make me more comfortable when I am breastfeeding instead of being all douchebag-deluxe and leaving me to care for Everly all by my self all the time. We both snorted and went on our merry way.

It’s nice to have some humor back in the house!

In other news I’ve attempted to vlog with Everly, it’s less than eventful (unless you like my leaking boob!) but I know some family and friends will appreciate the shared video.

Oh, Everly took 1.5 oz of pumped milk from a bottle this morning while I slept. Woot, woot!

The post He said I breastfeed like a hunchback… appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

Man, it’s been a stormy last few days. Yesterday evening while on the way to pick N up from work it freaking dumped on us big time! I threw a blanket over Everly’s head and we made a mad dash from the front door to the car. I jumped in the drivers seat with a diaper/ dance bag slung over my shoulder and baby E in my arms. I was soaked and I’d only been outdoors for a few seconds.

Today the storms are knocking out my satellite signal and the rain is dumping again… It’s all good though. I’d rather have some rain than the muggy, warm Indiana summer temps!

Tomorrow my students perform for the first time and today is my day off from teaching.

I’ve got all sorts of things to take care of… Cat piss on the tile floor outside the litter box (Mr. Guy’s way of protesting semi-dirty litter), extra wet cat vomit on the white carpets (probably a result of cats eating things they shouldn’t), cloth diapers to wash and hang to dry, the bathroom totally needs to be cleaned, there is clean, unfolded laundry hanging out in the laundry basket (it’s been there for several days getting all super wrinkled), gotta pay the bills, figure out a plan for dinner and care for Everly while I try to take care of everything. Fun!

Speaking of damn cats… Why is Gabby obsessed with chewing every single cable in this house? First it was the iPod/ iPhone cord, then the video camera charging cable, the Wii nunchuk cord and the balance board charging cable. Next she got the iPod dock speaker cable, almost got E’s swing power cord and she just started in on the router power cable.

If she destroys the router or modem cables and I am without internet I will not be a happy camper!

I am wondering if she is lacking some mineral or something that makes her chew the various cords and cables around here or if she’s just dead set on being an ass because she’s not getting enough attention from us these days.

Anyone want to take care of our zoo for us? It sure would help out lots! Taking care of the house is one of the things we are slacking on… Slacking sucks when you’ve got 4 indoor cats who vomit, piss in the sink or on the floor and who are basically jerks when things aren’t kept up with. It’s not pretty around here.

Gotta go clean vomit and piss now, happy day off to me.

The post Cat piss has fried my brain and I can't come up with a title for this crappy post. appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.

Well I have that problem but only I am not obsessing about my own possible illnesses I am obsessing about Everly…

What? Her poop is yellowish green instead of just mustardy yellow? Google that and… Oh no it’s a hindmilk/ foremilk imbalance.

She’s pulling her legs up and fussing? She’s got gas or a dairy allergy!

Her eye is goopy and pussy sometimes, is it pink eye? Squirt some breastmilk in it!

She sprayed milk out her nose once while fast asleep? Could it be sleep apnea or SIDS?

Parents worry, I know that but do they worry as much as I do and obsessivly search the internet for clues and cures? I am beginning to think this “Doctor Google” thing is getting outta hand.

Franky the “cures” and anxiety from thinking something is always wrong with her is the only real thing causing us problems here. She’s not colicky, doesn’t have sleep apnea, pink eye, a dairy allergy or a brestmilk imbalance. She’s just got a paranoid, freaking-out-over-every-little-thing-mom.

I can’t help it though, I am freaked something is going to end up being wrong with her and I will miss it. Don’t even get me started on the Swine Flu either!

Googleing symptoms obsessively is a sickness in it’s self. Hasn’t anyone coined a name for this obsession yet? Better go Google it!

Crap! There is such a thing as Dr. Google! Good thing it is something entirely different than what I am talking about. I’d be really screwed then…

Anyway, I’ve decided I need to be called a Googlechondriac! You know a hypochondriac but an obsessive internet symptom searching, self diagnosing one. Do they make a prescription drug for that?

So, are you guilty of being a Googlechondriac or am I alone here?

The post Googlechondriac: The first step is admitting there is a problem right? appeared first on Updates from Ryder Family Farm.