This is a lesson my students are learning right now. High school is brutal for most girls because girls are mean to each other. This is true almost everywhere. Girls have conflicts, they act and react.. It is normal for people to become emotionally involved in situations to the point that they are unable to see another viewpoint or way to resolve things. This is the point my students are at in their situations. Both sides of the conflict feel wronged and are defensive towards the other. Neither party is able to see the situation from an outside perspective so the conflict resolution is going nowhere.
The following quote: “You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.” -Wayne Dyer applies to one of my students is particular. She is quite and people pleasing, she doesn’t enjoy conflict so she avoids it. She is eternally the victim because she allows others to treat her that way.
The concept that you are treated the way you allow others to treat you is an interesting one. It implies that you actually have control over the way you are treated. This is true to a certain extent. You do have indirect control over they way you are perceived and this affects the way you are treated. You also have control over how you choose to react to situations. Your reactions will send clear messages to others about how you perceive yourself. If you don’t stand your ground or defend yourself you may be setting yourself up for future attacks.
When I say defending yourself I don’t mean punching someone. I mean addressing the situation (rather than ignoring it) and expressing your feelings about it in a mature way. There is a fine line between being rude and being assertive when you stand up for yourself but when you do it send a clear message to those confronting you. It lets the other party know that it is not okay to treat you the way they did and it also allows you to express your feelings about the situation rather than bottling it all up inside.
This is something I learned as I was going through high school and I sympathize with my students as they are learning this lesson. It is a hard one to learn and master.