I took a break from the computer for the last few days. I was afraid having interactions via twitter, facebook or through blog comments would only result in my being bitchy to people and unnecessarily hurting feelings. I took a few days to let it all “simmer” and to get some perspective on things.
Basically, we are still pretty hurt and pissed. The Arizona baby shower Krystal went though all the trouble of planning… The one where she bought food, planned party games, made favors, sent out invitations for… Well 4 people showed up to it!
Yep, 4 people out of about 100 (who were in Arizona) … 3 people were N’s immediate family and one gal was a close friend of mine. We received solid RSVP’s from about 1/8th of the people invited and the rest were either undecided or didn’t bother to respond at all.
There is just so much that pisses me off (that I can’t really publish online), the shower was basically a reminder of all those things for us. We aren’t pissed about gifts or lack of attendance it is way deeper than that…
It is the lack of reciprocal support/ love, superficial relationships, people feeding off the limelight, drama stalkers, etc that really get us…
Basically we have far too many one sided relationships, which was a major driving force in our willingness to up and move so far away, not too much to stick around for!
On the other hand we have had the opportunity to meet many genuine, caring people via blogging, social networking, etc who are a major (even unexpected) blessing in our lives. It seems the best thing for us to focus on is looking at those around us right now and to leave those people from the past in the past.
It is a conflict though, we’ve never wanted to be “those kind of people” who appear self centered and who never reach out to or remember those who made an impact on us and helped us get to where we are. At the same time there is only so much reaching out and caring we can do before it’s obvious there will never be any return. Besides it is exhausting and hurtful too.
So, we are done. It is what it is and now we are moving forward, cutting our losses and focusing on cherishing those who are actually in our lives at the moment. This means you!
Now, I’ve gotta go bake a cake for N’s birthday tomorrow…
0 thoughts on “Tater's Shower: reflections on friendship, blessings and learning to let go.”
n told me what happened. you guys are troopers, bless your hearts. i’m sending a shower “gift” home with n. hope you like it!
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That’s a hardcore bummer, Talina. One-sided relationships are never fun, but it sounds like you’ve done more than your fair share of trying.
What flavour of cake is N getting for his birthday? I was always partial to Funfetti with peppermint ice cream.
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He wanted me to make up something fun. Each year it is something different. Last year it was red velvet cake…
This year he has requested an “orange crush cake” made with orange crush soda. It has a cool whip/ vanilla pudding frosting. 😮
Happy Birthday N!!!!
Talina – If I were in Arizona, I would have been there. Instead, I’m here…working on a blankie. DO NOT go into labor early.
LOL, not planning to go in to labor much earlier than 38 weeks ;-P
38 weeks is when I arrive at The Farm… Don’t think she is in a rush to come out though.
Talina, I am sorry things turned out the way they did. I understand completely though. The one sided crap is one of the many reasons why I live in Arizona and the majority of my family lives in Georgia.
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Sorry to hear about it, but it happens all the time…people just get so slack, they think that them not being there wont make that much of a difference and they come up with so many excuses….
I went to a friends 21st even though I had back pain and being pregnant couldnt drink anything, and I’m glad I did becasue only 10 people came out of about 150 and she appreciated the fact that I came, pregnant belly and all. If I hadnt came I would have felt so guilty.
For my baby shower I invited 70 people who lived close enough to make it and 25 came. Half of them had legitimate reasons and sent a present or card, but half didn’t bother. I just finished sending out thankyou cards to EVERYONE who attended and everyone who sent along a gift. It means a lot when people actually make an effort to come because so many dont bother at all.
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Okay. Time to quit lurking for a while, I guess. I hope the birthday cake turned out okay. And Happy Birthday, N.
Happy Birthday to N! He’s so lucky he can’t hear me singing that to him as I type!
I think all three of y’all are going to be just fine. It’s important to remember to take care of yourself first and it’s not selfish.
Take care. I’ll be back home in a few days and off this wrist-breaking laptop!
Donna B.s last blog post..Average Jane Science Junkie
Hi, found your blog while searching for info regarding braiding rugs……and just had to post about your experience….. I’m sorry to hear that you had to go through that (even though I don’t know the in’s and out’s of your blog, this being my first time here…)
Life is a balance, and while it is easy to choose to let go of certain relationships over this sort of thing, it is also a choice to repeatedly extend the hand of friendship, knowing that it may be slapped away at any given moment….and only you can decide who is worth what…
I too agree that it seems so much easier to find people of like minds online and there are many kind people out there…..but I also wonder how much may be neglected in their own lives while they spend their time cultivating online friendships…..
I know because I’ve been guilty of it myself…..so I suppose I’m rambling only to kind of encourage you that yes, some people are pretty worthless, some people let time and circumstances dictate over the important things in life, and some people are golden…
We must not give up hope for one another….
Many blessings and enjoy the wonder of pregnancy and soon to be motherhood….
And if you tell me that your “Life in Evansville” is Evansville Indiana, I’m just gonna die!!!
Mamamoco in Venezuela
With my experience of moving away and really starting a life of your own you really do find out who your real friends are. I am so sorry to hear about that happening sometimes people just really suck and I can’t believe how rude people can be nowadays I mean how hard is it to respond to a RSVP or if you make a commitment to come then actually come, sorry I am having my own experience with this at the moment with my wedding less than 30 days away and trying to get a head count…just saying I can totally relate. Hope the cake turned out well for N. I am really loving your blog, good luck with everything!!
I’m sorry only four people showed up for that and I can totally understand how you feel because I would certainly go through all those emotions myself. Anyway, I think you are right to move forward and to spend way less time and energy on those who can’t be bothered to reciprocate. Sheesh. People are wacky and I can’t explain them.
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